Mean people are just, mean

I tend to fixate on things, especially when someone is rude or mean to me, or around me, or to someone I know. I think it comes from insecurity. I immediately question what I may have done wrong.

Yesterday morning (Monday), I received a phone call from someone I had emailed Friday afternoon. He had returned my email with a phone call, leaving a message because I wasn't at my desk. I didn't listen to the message until I was heading out the door on Friday afternoon, and not giving it a second thought, figured I would call him back when I got into the office Monday morning.

At 9:50 am, this man, who must be the most important person in the world, called me back as I was checking my email Monday morning. He criticized me, my company, my "lack of communication", and asked me if "this is a way I run a business?" Completely taken aback, I informed him that I was not in the office all weekend, that it was literally before 10am on a Monday morning, and that his one, single message had been listened to late Friday afternoon. 

I get that business relationships are different that personal ones. But what I don't get is the assumption that I must be bad or wrong because I didn't do things up to his standards. Be nice! You don't know me. You have no idea what I was doing or when I was doing it.

This isn't the first time I have fixated on someone being mean to me. 

I worked as a waitress in Wilmington, NC for a summer. One Sunday night as we were getting ready to close, a man and his wife came in to get a late dinner. I served them happily, while at the same time tending to my side work duties. I offered them coffee and dessert, they chose coffee, and as they sipped on their cups, I brought them their $70 bill. I was excited to add another $15 to my tips from that night. 

But apparently I did something wrong. He told my manager I hadn't offered them dessert. That I didn't give them the attention they should have gotten. He was in the restaurant business and he would never be OK with his employees treating a customer the way I had. 

When my manager told me these things, I was so surprised. I had done everything well. They were my only table and I was giving them stellar service. (Side note: if you had worked so long in the restaurant business, wouldn't you know and understand that it's just downright ANNOYING to come into a restaurant demanding a three course meal ten minutes before the kitchen closes? But that's not the point.)

On top of his rudeness and complaints, he had only tipped me $4 on a $70 dinner. 

For me, there is nothing more satisfying than giving a good tip. I even enjoy tipping extra well when servers see Dave and I as just young kids and expect a crappy tip. I always imagine their faces when they see we gave them 30 percent. Maybe they will realize that good tippers come in all ages.

We know what it's like to be servers. We know what it's like to be the low man on the todem pole. I feel bad for those people who have never struggled or have never worked service jobs. It teaches you about people. How to treat them, whether they are rude or sweet. (I may bitch about it at length later on, but that's only because I truly don't understand why anyone has to be rude... ever.) I always win because I am nice. 

I once spent an hour and a half on the phone with Verizon because the customer service representative I was talking to was new and still learning the ropes. My patience landed me a $50 credit to my account. 

Niceness always, always wins.

So I challenge you once again: be nice. That person that is calling you annoying you to pay your student loans, they probably have student loan debt, too, and they are working the only job they could get. Be nice to them. Next time you go out to eat, tip your waiter/waitress a little extra. You have no idea what their story is. That extra ten dollars may change their day. If someone is rude to you, don't be rude back. Kill them with kindness. It may open their eyes to the way they are treating people, and if it doesn't, at least you tried.

Everyone knows how it feels to have a bad day versus a good day. So pay it forward, flash a smile, apologize even if you know you're right, and have patience.  

Quote of the week

Jason Collins and US sports culture

As I was getting ready this morning and SportsCenter was playing in the background, one particular story caught my eye. Last night, Jason Collins, an NBA player who was recently signed on with the Brooklyn Nets for a 10-day contract, was one of the leading stories. Why? Because he "made history" as they put it... He became the first openly gay NBA player.

Cool. Not necessarily a top five story on a sports show that recaps the events of the day prior. Isn't this old news? Didn't he announce he was gay last year? Why should a player with a 10-day contract make a top story... and the ticker on the bottom of the screen... and be talked about at length?

SportsCenter continued to play in the background. When it came time to recap the Nets game last night, the commentator made note that the crowd applauded Collins when he checked in, circled him on the screen when he got boxed out simply because it was the first play he was involved in, and, showed a play in which Collins fell down and his teammates picked him up... they showed it three times.

I may be in the minority, but I want to live in a world where gay athletes are athletes and female athletes are athletes and black athletes are athletes. Why the hell do I need a text message from ESPN letting me know that the first openly gay NBA player just checked into the game?

I grew up playing sports, and I was well aware that there were lesbians on my team. I showered with them and changed in front of them and, yes, helped them up if they had been knocked down on the field. This doesn't make me progressive. It makes me human, and an athlete, and a teammate.

This has got me thinking. Maybe the female athletes have got it right after all. Maybe female athletes don't make headlines because we're boring. We get along. That's not to say I was friends or even liked some of the girls I played with. But I knew that getting along with them meant success. I have been part of many teams and the ones that were the most successful had one thing: team chemistry.

Which brings up another headline: Incognito vs. Martin. So much talk about the "NFL culture" and "testosterone-driven men." So much blaming and pointing fingers. The problem is clear: boys, from a young age are taught to suppress feelings. If you show emotion, you are weak, you are feminine. SPORTS are MASCULINE. Do. Not. Show. Emotion. (That is unless it's anger or rage, cause you know, you need that to play football. It's a brutal game.)

Martin was clearly struggling with something. He was never given the tools to try to fix them. He probably saw a trainer for a bum knee, but where do you go if you are feeling depressed?

Guess what boys?!?! It's okay to cry! It's okay to feel! It is healthy and normal. It makes me think you are stronger than when you push those feelings away.

The infamous play: Jason Collins teammates helping him up.
Credit: Deadspin

I'm lucky to be a female athlete. I can have emotion, gay teammates, team chemistry. Oh, and at the same time, I can be strong, fast, hard-working, driven. I can push others harder so they can get better and at the end of the day, if they have a problem with it, they can talk to me about it. And I won't call them a "pussy" for showing me some emotion.

What do Danica Patrick and Jason Collins have in common? They both are not very good at their respective sports, but get attention because they are trying to break down barriers. Kudos to you! But I'd much rather hear about the great athletes. If they happen to be a woman, or happen to be gay, that's cool, too.

If every time a male athlete comes out as gay they spend ten minutes showing how their teammates helped him off his ass after he fell, this is a sad world we live in. Guess what? If Roy Hibbert fell down, his teammates would help him up, too.

See also: This Deadspin article that claims the Lakers issued 50 more press credentials than usual.

What traveling has taught me.

I am no world traveler. I haven't been to far off countries. In fact I've only been off of this continent once, and that was to visit my sister, who is a world traveler, while she was living in Germany. And the only reason I've been to more than one other country is because I grew up an hour away from Canada.

However, I have lived a lot of places. The amount of times I've moved is so confusing, that sometimes I just skip over the in between and say I moved from Rochester, New York, which is where I grew up. (Okay, I grew up outside of Rochester, in a small town named Caledonia. It has no sewers, no fast food, the closest Wal-Mart is a half hour away, and I graduated with 85 people.)

The truth is I didn't move from Rochester/Caledonia. My timeline of travel goes something like this: 

Caledonia

Marietta, OH

Caledonia

Geneseo, NY

Charlottesville/Afton, VA

Albuquerque, NM

Caledonia

Wilmington, NC

Indianapolis, IN

Luckily, I stumbled upon a traveling partner and a dog who enjoy the adventures as much as I do. 

I've learned a lot about people while traveling. Each place I've lived (and that's the thing, I've lived in each of these places for longer than a month) has taught me something new. 

I've learned that people have the same problems in life whether they live in a beautiful beach town or the dry desert. I've learned that Wegmans grocery store is not matched by Kroger, Harris Teeter, Smith's, or Marsh. I've learned that no one drives as fast or aggressively as I'd hope they would. I've learned that no city does snow removal up to my liking. I've learned that every city is different and the same all at once. I've learned that the longer you are away from a place, the more it stays the same, and the more you change. I've learned that home is wherever I can cuddle on the couch with David and Juneau and watch a movie.

Caledonia

My Best Friends from home. Michelle & Carrie.

Caledonia taught me about friendship and love. It will be home for as long as I live. My parents still live there, my sisters and I made hilarious memories there, and I have the two best friends any girl could ask for who experienced all Caledonia has to offer with me. I found my first love in Caledonia. It brought me the game of soccer. Caledonia is a special place. I've already written a love letter to my hometown, so I won't go any further... Caledonia also taught me to get out. As much as I love it, I could never settle down there. I like to do things the hard way.  

The freshman girls on the soccer team.
Me, Rachael, Christi, Rachel & Aly.

Marietta

Marietta taught me that friendship isn't only rooted in years of knowing one another. My few short
months at Marietta College were the first I'd ever been away from home. It was the first time I really knew what it meant to be drunk. I played soccer and loved it. I loved the friends that I met there, and I don't think I actually gave it a chance. Marietta taught me that regrets are real.

Geneseo

Phi Pi. Fall 2008.

Geneseo taught me to look out for myself. The people I met in Geneseo are irreplaceable in my life. It was the first time in my life I was single and I wasn't playing soccer competitively. I thought I would feel lost because of that. However, I found a group of girls in the Delta Phi Epsilon sorority that accepted everything about me, including the fact that I liked to drink every night of the week. My years at Geneseo are some of the best I can remember. However, being close to home still (about a half hour from where I graduated from high school) ignited a fire inside of me to travel some more. So I did.

David & I. 

Charlottesville

Charlottesville taught me what the real world was like. Up until now, I had the convenience of being a college student. When I moved to Virginia, I had two jobs, bills, student loan payments (which I include a completely separate category than "bills" simply because of how evil they are), a new relationship. I had to actually join a gym. I had to cook dinner. And breakfast, and even lunch. I love Charlottesville. It's a beautiful, beautiful place that gave me my two boys, David and Juneau.

Albuquerque

The Balloon Festival in Albuquerque.

Albuquerque taught me to be spontaneous. When I left Charlottesville, I was just itching for something new. David and I went to New Mexico chasing a dream. Some people may think I regret doing this, but I don't. In fact I would tell anyone reading this to chase a dream. Take a risk. Travel to a place you've never been to. We didn't have a place to live lined up, we just packed up the car and drove. We bought a couch and a bed when we got there. It was an amazing experience. We had nothing more than what we needed. 

Juneau on Wrightsville Beach.

Wilmington

Wilmington taught me to stop worrying all the time. We left Albuquerque on such a sour note, I was scared to take risks again. David moved to Wilmington two months before I made the trip down. I remember having a panic attack the day I left. I was living at home with my parents again, it was safe.
The first thing I did when I got to Wilmington was step out onto the beach. Wilmington is my favorite place in this world. David and I got back on track, we worked jobs that allowed us to spend days by the ocean, and I fell in love with One Tree Hill (which was filmed in Wilmington). I met a few people who had ambitions, but did not stress that they were not in that place in their lives just yet. They taught me to live in the moment. Ahh, I miss the beach!

Indianapolis

Indianapolis taught me that if you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything. When I finally stopped worrying about everything while in North Carolina, my dreams started coming true. I worked towards a master's degree, got my first job in journalism, coached soccer, started writing again. Indianapolis is a simple city. It's nothing overwhelming or special, but it provided me with a stable life.


I challenge you to travel. Spend money you don't have. Listen to music. Do something that makes you uncomfortable. Meet new people and ask about their life.

Quote of the week

My super gushy Valentine's Day post.

Disclaimer: This post will include lots of lovey-dovey bragging about my boyfriend.

Happy Valentine's Day!

To those of you who are jaded, simply don't believe in Valentine's Day, or will be drinking away your sorrows because you feel extra lonely on day like today, I've been there.

In fact, I do believe I celebrated one college Valentine's Day by dressing in all black and going to a bar with my single girlfriends.

I don't care to advertise my relationship to the world. I don't need to convince anyone how I feel. I saw a quote the other day that read, "The sign of a healthy relationship is no mention of it on Facebook." True that. But since love is in the air, I thought I'd blog and brag about my David.

How we met:

David and I met while working at a restaurant in Charlottesville, Virginia. I had moved to the area to work for my uncle, and wanted to make some new friends in the process. David had just gotten out of the military and moved back to his hometown. I had never waited a table in my life, but I figured that working at a restaurant would prove to be a social atmosphere. I applied to a gourmet pizza place that was just opening and needed servers. I got the job, and so did David.

About a month later, I was out shopping on a Wednesday after work and decided to stop into Brixx for dinner. I had creepily checked the schedule the night before and noticed that David was closing that fated Wednesday. I stayed for dinner, and a few drinks. After enough liquid courage, I asked David if he'd like to hang out sometime. He said yes and gave me his phone to put my number in. I left that night asking repeatedly if he was gonna call.

The next night he did call and we went putt putt golfing and out to drinks at Millers in downtown Charlottesville. That was October 7, 2010 (the same day my cousin Peyton was born!) and we've been together since.

There are often times I look back and think "what if". What if I had stayed at Marietta? What if I hadn't moved to Virginia? What if I had never gotten my heart broken? All of the things that I think I would have changed about my life I can't possible regret... because getting the job at Brixx was the universe's way of introducing me to David.

Everybody's love story is different, and they are wonderful in their own right. However, ours is my favorite. David and I have broken every 'relationship rule' in the book. And we're still going strong.

If there is one word to describe David it would be spontaneous. For the first few months we were dating, he spoke about wanting to move out west to train as an MMA fighter. As wild of a dream as that was, I never believed he couldn't or wouldn't do it. Eight months later we were driving to New Mexico. He trained with some of the best in the business. I knew he could do it all along. 

He has never been afraid of an adventure, and for this I am grateful. I am one of the lucky few who was able to travel around the country, and I never would have been able to if not for him.

We've had some amazing experiences, and they wouldn't have been half as special if not for him.

David has supported me through several years of trying to get my life on track. He up and moved to Indianapolis when I got into graduate school. Some people think of this as a grand gesture, but I never had a doubt that he would. It's just the relationship that we have. He has been my best friend since the day we starting dating.

David and I are full of wonderful and ambitious dreams. Whereas I look at them as dreams, he sees them as realities, and he helps me to realize they are possible. If not for him, I never would have had the courage to do all the things I have done this past year in school. I would have been dreaming about being a journalist, instead of actually being one.

I'm blessed to have a boyfriend who loves me and accepts me for who I am. David is very stoic, hardly emotional, and it's taken him a while to understand my deeply emotional side. But he never stopped trying. I'm a difficult person to relate to sometimes, but he does his best. And if he can't, he knows he can always make me laugh.

So here's to happy valentine's day for many years to come. I love you, David! Thank you for being mine.

Here's to being completely honest...

I feel like I should start at the beginning.

I've been writing a lot lately and it has inspired me to chase something I've always wanted. I want to write for a living, but a different kind of writing than I initially thought. I went to school to earn a degree in journalism, but fell in love with multimedia. I want to write a blog for a living. I hope to include photo essays, videos, and podcasts one day. Right now I'm busy making a living hoping to one day make a living ;). I would love for people to follow my blog, but I am just as happy with you reading it.

I've been thinking, however, there is no real theme behind my blog. It's basically just my thoughts formed into an essay. I am always writing: when I fall asleep, when I'm in the shower, as I'm driving, when I listen to music. Words are always being formed in my head. I needed this blog to get them out!

I believe in signs. I believe that the universe sends you messages and if you pay attention, the universe is usually pretty smart in what it is trying to say. In the past few weeks, while trying to find a theme for my blog, it has actually been right in front of my face.

I struggle with depression. This blog is my diary.

I've struggled with depression for about 7 years. It was triggered by a really bad breakup. I blamed him for a while. I told him he ruined my life, he was responsible for how miserable I was. I thought that if he came back, I wouldn't feel sad anymore. We were together for a long time, throughout high school, the years in which you find out who you are as a person. After about a year of blaming him, I woke up one day, and wanted to feel happy.

I don't blame him anymore. That was a long time ago. I don't blame anybody. In some weird way, I think having depression has given me the strength to follow what I truly want to do with my life. I know I will not be happy just doing whatever. I want to do something I truly enjoy because even though I will still have depression, I will be writing and perhaps helping others that struggle, too.

I have been going to therapy on and off for the past 7 years. I've taken anti-depressants, self-prescribed tanning beds as a form of therapy, and continued on with life. There are days when I don't want to get out of bed, but I do. And there are periods of time when I don't feel anything but happy. It's a strange thing to try and describe, but for me it's more or less knowing exactly what makes me happy, and everything that doesn't.

There have been other events that have triggered my depression. The loss of a job, moving away from home, other boys, the weather. It's something I'm always going to deal with.

The best therapy so far has been writing. I am a terrible, awkward talker. I am the girl who uses cliches and metaphors completely wrong. The other day I said, "You have to use that experience to get your leg in the door." I am a mess when it comes to the spoken word. But I'm really good at writing.

When Dave and I first dating, I used to send him long email love letters to explain how I felt about him. The written word comes easy to me. When my mind is jumbled with thought, I can filter them through writing. Quotes and lyrics are my favorite things ever.

I don't need pity. I am completely fine. I'm healthy, I'm happy, I have a good job, great friends, wonderful family, and a supportive boyfriend. And when I have my moments I know I can always call my mom.

This time of year has always been hard for me. The weather is an evil thing sometimes. By blogging the last few weeks, I've not only fulfilled a new year's resolution, but I've been keeping my depression under control.

So now that you know what the theme of this blog is, I hope you can read it knowing I have no hidden agenda. Having depression isn't something to be ashamed of. In fact, the more I talk about it, the better I feel.

I hope you enjoy my writing! And thank you so much for reading. It means the world to me!

I'm such a girl sports fan.

I'm such a girl sports fan.

I can see the eye rolls and judgmental comments now.

However, I enjoy sports in a different way than most sports fans would be expected to.

I don't like fantasy sports, they get way too involved in stats for me. I don't wear jerseys or t-shirts or hats with my favorite team's logo on it. I don't have any autographs (except for Mia Hamm because I want to be her). I would just as quickly watch the last two minutes of a game or check the score online after the game as I would sit and watch an entire game (this is, until the playoffs, when games begin to matter.) I can't recite stats of my favorite players or favorite teams. If someone asked me who my favorite sports team is, I would not have an answer for you right away. It changes a lot.

I am a sports romantic. I love hearing stories about athletes or teams and the adversity they have faced to accomplish their dreams. I find amateur athletes far more intriguing than most professional ones. I want to know what college athletes are studying in school.

The legend, Mia Hamm. 

Am I not as big of a sports fan because of this?

I was a college athlete, I have a master's degree in sports journalism, I have been to NHL, NFL, MLB, NBA, college football, basketball, soccer, hockey, and hockey games. I worked for an NBA team. I enjoy reading sports memoirs and sites like Grantland and SI Longform.

Am I sports fan now?

I don't think it takes a jersey or a fantasy football membership to describe you as a sports fan. Anyone can appreciate the hard work and dedication an athlete puts into their sport.

Sports do different things for different people. I once read a story about a man who claimed to the WWE's biggest fan. He had lost his wife a few years prior and it seemed he could fill that void with his passion for wrestling. Sports are romantic, they are distractions, and they tell the stories that parallel life.

I'm not sure why I ingest sports the way I do. I remember being asked as a little girl what I wanted to be when I grew up. I always wanted to be a professional soccer player. Then, in middle school, a teacher had us write an essay about our future career goals. She specifically said, "You cannot write about being a professional athlete. It is too far fetched."

From then on I always thought of being an athlete as a far away dream. Kind of like a movie, something that would never come to fruition.

In the last couple of years as I've immersed myself in sports and I've realize that these athletes are just people who were told that they could do it. When they were in middle school, perhaps their teachers told them to write about their future careers and allowed them to envision themselves as athletes.

In any case, I'm such a girl sports fan. I hate the Patriots, but I think Tom Brady is very attractive. I think football is boring to watch, but has wonderful story lines. I think the Olympics are the greatest things ever, but I hate when there is no dramatic music when the underdog pulls off the upset.

Quote of the week

Happy 10th Birthday, Facebook!

It's hard to believe that any sort of social media is 10 years old. I remember first signing up for Facebook. It was during the days that you had to have a .edu email address. The summer before I went off to college I waited eagerly for that letter in the mail giving me the key to open the door to my Facebook profile.

According to my timeline, I signed up for Facebook on July 6, 2006.

I immediately added a photo album of my best friends and I at prom. Those were the days you could only have 60 photos per album. Once you surpassed that number, you'd name your next album "Prom 2" or "More Prom".

Your profile consisted of lists of your interest. No status yet, the wall was coming any day.

I remember the day the newsfeed launched. I was a freshman at Marietta and one of my soccer teammates had changed her relationship status the night before. She didn't want anyone to know because it was such a new relationship. This wouldn't matter except that the next morning a newsfeed shouted "in a relationship" to all of her Facebook friends. She cried. Today, our Facebook savviness would have cooly prevented such "public" embarrassment. 

There were always updates, too. Your friends would have different theories about how to prolong keeping the 'old version'. But inevitably, everyone's page would change.

And then there was the age of bumper stickers. Spending hours finding the best one for your best friend. Nostalgia.

The status bar came with that annoying "is". "Erica Rath is going to the gym." And you would have the annoying friend would write "Jim Bob is is going to the big game." Then after groups and groups of petitioning, Facebook dropped the "is". But some people didn't get it, so they'd write "Jim Bob going to the movies." I can now fully appreciate what the status bar is today.

Then commenting was started. Now, instead of having to go back and forth between your friends' "walls" to see what they were talking about, you could just read the comments. I have no idea what this April 2007 conversation with Michelle is about. So sad.

At one point, all of your personal info was listed at the top of your profile above your status bar. Then there was the invention of the news ticker, Facebook chat (which single handedly killed of AIM and every other instant messaging system), the timeline. Also, remember that weird box that used to be below your profile picture?

Now we have this. And I'm only taking a screen shot so we can see how much has changed in 10 more years. 

Love it or hate it, Facebook is a brilliant thing that has adapted to change in order to thrive. What is your favorite phase of the 10 years of Facebook?

The best Super Bowl commercials

1. Duh.

2. Good job, Budweiser.

3. Died watching this. Sarah McLachlan LOL.

4.  They're all so emotional.

5. Restlessness is my life.

The best (and worst) things about Super Bowl Sunday

Commercials

We already know the winner of the cutest commercial that will air tonight...

We have yet to crown the funniest, the most uncomfortable, the worst, and the most controversial. Among other categories.

Food

Of the 31 million views, 3 million of them are mine. 

Super Bowl Sunday is an obligatory excuse to make the most unhealthy of dips and dishes. According to the front page of USA Today, some 1.25 billion chicken wings will be eaten today. Too bad the majority of the country thinks Buffalo Wild Wings serves the best wings. It's only the lucky few in western New York who know what a real chicken wing is. So today, instead of cheating on my hometown and the food it invented, I'll be making chicken wing dip, a delicious yet humbling alternative.

The Walking Dead Marathon

Tune to AMC. That's all.

Football... all day

This can be good or bad, depending on how you see it. For me, I don't need to sit around for 12 hours leading up to kickoff watching repetitive coverage and what is called "analysis", but is actually just fact-based guessing, to enjoy the game.

No more football coverage 

I like a good football game as much as the next guy, but the coverage of NFL football has far surpassed the need for it. The analysis, the play-by-play, the fantasy games, the replays, the ex-football players talking about the glory days. It goes on and on. We will have to relive the Big Game on ESPN for the next week or so, but then it's officially the off-season and we will get to hear about other sports again!

Memes

Memes are always funny. Everybody tries to relate their product to an event using a meme. Super Bowl memes are everywhere. Pick your fave!

The annoying reasons people pick a team

I've already seen it: people who literally could care less about football picking a team for one reason or another. The color of their jerseys, an attractive person on the team, they flipped a coin and picked heads or tails. Whatever it is, it's only crazy if it doesn't work.

Predictions

I can't stand predictions. But I would feel left out if I didn't make one. I have had a strange feeling Seattle will win, but I'll be cheering on Peyton. Oh, and did you hear? Buffalo's going all the way next year.