Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Friday, April 20, 2012
Spring Hope
Do you ever wonder who you are? Do you ever wonder where you are going to be?
In the last six months as a struggling, sometimes failing, graduate from college who had to settle for working for her father, I have driven myself crazy trying to find a solid answer to these questions. At I think I have finally come to peace with an answer... I have no fucking idea.
The recent past has been filled with lovers quarrels, sibling rivalries, debt, loss of a job, loss of an apartment, loss of my independence, rejection from my dream graduate school, depression, tears. I have thrown myself into new television shows and books just to hide myself from the real feelings of my daily life. I have felt happier, to say the least.
However, as the days get longer and the sun seems to be poking through the clouds a little more, I can see that I have come full circle. I am no longer at rock bottom, although I have my moments. My problem now is that I have felt every emotion I could encounter for every day the past several months, and I am ready to move on...
I have come to this point in my life before, where I realize that the path is not already drawn for us and sometimes taking a leap is just what you need to get yourself out of the darkness. It is a strange feeling thinking it may be easier to stay in a place where hiding from your true potential and all those emotions may be easier than taking a new adventure, a new risk. It's always easier to fall asleep at night than to wake up in the morning.
It's refreshing knowing that I am so young, so full of ideas, and I have the opportunity to fail or succeed. I am tired of excuses: the economy sucks, Bachelor's Degrees don't get you far anymore, you don't have enough experience, etc and fucking etc.
I think I have finally grasped the notion that this is MY LIFE. I don't care if my decisions piss you off, if I'm not doing what the plan was all along, if I fail down and have to ask for a little help to get back up again. I have always been told that life is a journey, not a destination. I think that may be the best advice anyone could ever give.
In the last six months as a struggling, sometimes failing, graduate from college who had to settle for working for her father, I have driven myself crazy trying to find a solid answer to these questions. At I think I have finally come to peace with an answer... I have no fucking idea.
The recent past has been filled with lovers quarrels, sibling rivalries, debt, loss of a job, loss of an apartment, loss of my independence, rejection from my dream graduate school, depression, tears. I have thrown myself into new television shows and books just to hide myself from the real feelings of my daily life. I have felt happier, to say the least.
However, as the days get longer and the sun seems to be poking through the clouds a little more, I can see that I have come full circle. I am no longer at rock bottom, although I have my moments. My problem now is that I have felt every emotion I could encounter for every day the past several months, and I am ready to move on...
I have come to this point in my life before, where I realize that the path is not already drawn for us and sometimes taking a leap is just what you need to get yourself out of the darkness. It is a strange feeling thinking it may be easier to stay in a place where hiding from your true potential and all those emotions may be easier than taking a new adventure, a new risk. It's always easier to fall asleep at night than to wake up in the morning.
It's refreshing knowing that I am so young, so full of ideas, and I have the opportunity to fail or succeed. I am tired of excuses: the economy sucks, Bachelor's Degrees don't get you far anymore, you don't have enough experience, etc and fucking etc.
I think I have finally grasped the notion that this is MY LIFE. I don't care if my decisions piss you off, if I'm not doing what the plan was all along, if I fail down and have to ask for a little help to get back up again. I have always been told that life is a journey, not a destination. I think that may be the best advice anyone could ever give.
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