Why I write....

I had a revelation today.

I'm one of those people who find it hard to be in the moment. I get bored easily hence moving and living in four different cities since I graduated college. I constantly find myself longing for a moment of time I have already lived in or find myself wishing for one that may happen in time.

I am a writer by nature. I always thought that being a writer meant that I had to be a reader, too. But I'm not a reader. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a good book every now and then. I've learned somewhere along the way that my way of doing things is usually agains the norm. Therefore, I'm not a reader, but I am a writer at heart.

This past week I've had three freelance assignments that have taken the back burner to my personal blog. I'll get that work done, and I'll get it done well, but my mind has been going a million miles a minute. As I sit here to write this, I have my television playing, but on mute. I have Pandora blasting country music. I have dinner cooking. I have my phone blinking with text messages sitting on the couch next to me. I'm a mess...

Writing puts me in the moment. I will never understand the heartache and the pain that has been felt this week. Some people will hear the news, cry for a moment, and push through their day. Other people will hear the news and make sure to spend some extra quality time with friends and family. Still others will channel their pain by organizing a fundraiser or benefit.

I will write.

My revelation came as I was walking up the stairs after seeing a movie with David. The movie was good, it was funny, it distracted me for a period of time. But as I was coming home to my computer, I needed to write.

I'm the middle child and as such, I inherently have an identity crisis. Emily, the older sister, is brilliant and ambitious. She is well-spoken, stubborn in her beliefs and dedicates her life to teaching others. Sarah, the younger sister, is hilarious. She is outspoken, creative, and has become a hard-working, driven young woman.

I always wanted to be smart and funny. And I think I am. Those are qualities that are easily noticed. `

Today, though, I realized I am the thinker. I am the independent, dramatic, emotional one. I find a story line in mundane events. I get lost in thought, and to the dislike of those I love the most, I enjoy my alone time with my computer as much as I enjoy going out with friends.

I've been emotional this week. No, I don't know those involved on a personal level. Does that really matter? My emotion is fueled by the broken hearts and broken families that will never be the same. It is fueled by the girls who have a long recovery ahead of them. It is fueled by the outpouring of love and support that I have seen on Facebook and Twitter. It is fueled by the fact that I am eight hours away from home and I miss my family.

Small Town Soccer Girl

The game of soccer was my first love. My childhood memories and most of my friends were made on the soccer field. My dad coached, my sisters played with me and my mom was at every single game no matter what. I recall the first year I was given the Cal-Mum Varsity soccer jersey to wear. I had long wanted to trade in the ratty, hand-me-downs I wore as a JV player to wear the fresh maroon and white of the Varsity team.

We played for a small town. None of us would go Division I, we weren't very technical, and if we had tried out for a Class A team, the majority of us would be cut.

But we had two things that were undeniable: we were tough as nails, and we had heart.

I had the skill to play at the collegiate level, so I set out to find the right school. I ended up playing at a small school in Ohio, about six hours away from home. The girls were great, the coaches were alright, and the soccer was fast. Sadly, though, I lost the love for the game.

I don't think there was a 'right school' for me. What I loved most about soccer was the people and the place I played for. I longed for the maroon and white. I longed for my small town.

I made the decision to finish my education closer to home. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made. I know I could have played all four years in college, but I would be doing it for the wrong reasons.

Being close to home allowed me to watch my little sister play every game in her final season as a Red Raider. I was able to watch my younger teammates develop into beautiful and tough young women. I was able to watch Sarah lead her team to the state championship game.

Fortunately, I have re-found my love for the game and will be coaching at a class 4A high school in Indiana. The girls are very talented, technical and strong. They play year-round and the majority of them will probably play in college.

I think back to my team in high school, and I know we could've beaten them. Why? Because we were tough as nails... and we had heart.

Sports to me have always been about more than the talent and the numbers. I wanted to become a sports journalist because I wanted to tell the stories of the athletes; I wanted to tell about the trials and tribulations of those who dedicate their lives to sports. I have never been and never will be able to tell you the batting averages of the best hitters in the league or how many passing yards Peyton Manning had last season. To me that is just scratching the surface of what sports are all about.

I believe I have such a soft spot for these stories because of the Cal-Mum community. In a world full of powerhouse sports teams, we were the underdog, no matter if we had the better record or not. We weren't playing in club leagues all year round and we weren't coached by professionals. We succeeded because we had hard-nosed, hard-working, small-town people behind us.

The town of Caledonia is a typical small town where life revolves around sports. Some may view this as a bad thing. I don't. I think it tells a bigger story. The leading goal scorer on the soccer team is also a girl scout. While cheering on the football team you are also cheering on this years' lead in the musical. The quarterback is also the first baseman on the baseball team. The cheerleader on the top of the pyramid is also the president of the National Honor Society.

Sports tell wonderful stories, whether they end in tragedy or triumph. Caledonia is resilient. No matter the amount of grief and heartache, the entire town will still be out to watch the Raiders play Leroy on Friday night. They will be there when the seniors on the volleyball team play their final home game. They will be waiting at the monument as the softball team brings home that sectional trophy.

KACM. I'm thinking of you.

Caledonia-Mumford Red Raiders

I'm feeling rather nostalgic today after hearing the news of the horrendous crash that killed two and injured three Cal-Mum alum. For me Cal-Mum is home and although I've traveled to new places and met plenty of new people, those who I share my hometown memories with will always have a special place in my heart. It's hard to describe the connection and love that a small town like Caledonia has unless you grew up in one. At times the small size may irritate you and drive you crazy, but looking back I don't think I'd have it any other way. Because of the size of the school I was able to play multiple sports, be involved in music and art and, most importantly, get to know every person that I went to school with whether they graduated five years before me or five years after. I knew who they were and who their parents were and what they did for a living... in short, it is a wonderful place.

I am constantly reminded, sadly, that this accident wasn't the first loss in our small community. Just a month ago we lost one of the best guys I've ever known to a weight lifting accident. In the past year there has been so much loss and grief it seems that just when the black cloud finally lifts, it starts to rain again.

In times like these I wish I could go back in time when we were invincible and the most important thing was making the soccer team or being named lead in the musical. I spent some time looking through scrapbooks and photo albums today in order to bring back those feelings. So many great memories in Caledonia. I love you all and you're in my thoughts!

Core 4 and our moms!

Sarah's High School Graduation... missed ya, Em!

Class of 2006!