Why I write....

I had a revelation today.

I'm one of those people who find it hard to be in the moment. I get bored easily hence moving and living in four different cities since I graduated college. I constantly find myself longing for a moment of time I have already lived in or find myself wishing for one that may happen in time.

I am a writer by nature. I always thought that being a writer meant that I had to be a reader, too. But I'm not a reader. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a good book every now and then. I've learned somewhere along the way that my way of doing things is usually agains the norm. Therefore, I'm not a reader, but I am a writer at heart.

This past week I've had three freelance assignments that have taken the back burner to my personal blog. I'll get that work done, and I'll get it done well, but my mind has been going a million miles a minute. As I sit here to write this, I have my television playing, but on mute. I have Pandora blasting country music. I have dinner cooking. I have my phone blinking with text messages sitting on the couch next to me. I'm a mess...

Writing puts me in the moment. I will never understand the heartache and the pain that has been felt this week. Some people will hear the news, cry for a moment, and push through their day. Other people will hear the news and make sure to spend some extra quality time with friends and family. Still others will channel their pain by organizing a fundraiser or benefit.

I will write.

My revelation came as I was walking up the stairs after seeing a movie with David. The movie was good, it was funny, it distracted me for a period of time. But as I was coming home to my computer, I needed to write.

I'm the middle child and as such, I inherently have an identity crisis. Emily, the older sister, is brilliant and ambitious. She is well-spoken, stubborn in her beliefs and dedicates her life to teaching others. Sarah, the younger sister, is hilarious. She is outspoken, creative, and has become a hard-working, driven young woman.

I always wanted to be smart and funny. And I think I am. Those are qualities that are easily noticed. `

Today, though, I realized I am the thinker. I am the independent, dramatic, emotional one. I find a story line in mundane events. I get lost in thought, and to the dislike of those I love the most, I enjoy my alone time with my computer as much as I enjoy going out with friends.

I've been emotional this week. No, I don't know those involved on a personal level. Does that really matter? My emotion is fueled by the broken hearts and broken families that will never be the same. It is fueled by the girls who have a long recovery ahead of them. It is fueled by the outpouring of love and support that I have seen on Facebook and Twitter. It is fueled by the fact that I am eight hours away from home and I miss my family.