Spring Hope

Do you ever wonder who you are? Do you ever wonder where you are going to be?

In the last six months as a struggling, sometimes failing, graduate from college who had to settle for working for her father, I have driven myself crazy trying to find a solid answer to these questions. At I think I have finally come to peace with an answer... I have no fucking idea.

The recent past has been filled with lovers quarrels, sibling rivalries, debt, loss of a job, loss of an apartment, loss of my independence, rejection from my dream graduate school, depression, tears. I have thrown myself into new television shows and books just to hide myself from the real feelings of my daily life. I have felt happier, to say the least.

However, as the days get longer and the sun seems to be poking through the clouds a little more, I can see that I have come full circle. I am no longer at rock bottom, although I have my moments. My problem now is that I have felt every emotion I could encounter for every day the past several months, and I am ready to move on...

I have come to this point in my life before, where I realize that the path is not already drawn for us and sometimes taking a leap is just what you need to get yourself out of the darkness. It is a strange feeling thinking it may be easier to stay in a place where hiding from your true potential and all those emotions may be easier than taking a new adventure, a new risk. It's always easier to fall asleep at night than to wake up in the morning.

It's refreshing knowing that I am so young, so full of ideas, and I have the opportunity to fail or succeed. I am tired of excuses: the economy sucks, Bachelor's Degrees don't get you far anymore, you don't have enough experience, etc and fucking etc.

I think I have finally grasped the notion that this is MY LIFE. I don't care if my decisions piss you off, if I'm not doing what the plan was all along, if I fail down and have to ask for a little help to get back up again. I have always been told that life is a journey, not a destination. I think that may be the best advice anyone could ever give.