Mean people are just, mean

I tend to fixate on things, especially when someone is rude or mean to me, or around me, or to someone I know. I think it comes from insecurity. I immediately question what I may have done wrong.

Yesterday morning (Monday), I received a phone call from someone I had emailed Friday afternoon. He had returned my email with a phone call, leaving a message because I wasn't at my desk. I didn't listen to the message until I was heading out the door on Friday afternoon, and not giving it a second thought, figured I would call him back when I got into the office Monday morning.

At 9:50 am, this man, who must be the most important person in the world, called me back as I was checking my email Monday morning. He criticized me, my company, my "lack of communication", and asked me if "this is a way I run a business?" Completely taken aback, I informed him that I was not in the office all weekend, that it was literally before 10am on a Monday morning, and that his one, single message had been listened to late Friday afternoon. 

I get that business relationships are different that personal ones. But what I don't get is the assumption that I must be bad or wrong because I didn't do things up to his standards. Be nice! You don't know me. You have no idea what I was doing or when I was doing it.

This isn't the first time I have fixated on someone being mean to me. 

I worked as a waitress in Wilmington, NC for a summer. One Sunday night as we were getting ready to close, a man and his wife came in to get a late dinner. I served them happily, while at the same time tending to my side work duties. I offered them coffee and dessert, they chose coffee, and as they sipped on their cups, I brought them their $70 bill. I was excited to add another $15 to my tips from that night. 

But apparently I did something wrong. He told my manager I hadn't offered them dessert. That I didn't give them the attention they should have gotten. He was in the restaurant business and he would never be OK with his employees treating a customer the way I had. 

When my manager told me these things, I was so surprised. I had done everything well. They were my only table and I was giving them stellar service. (Side note: if you had worked so long in the restaurant business, wouldn't you know and understand that it's just downright ANNOYING to come into a restaurant demanding a three course meal ten minutes before the kitchen closes? But that's not the point.)

On top of his rudeness and complaints, he had only tipped me $4 on a $70 dinner. 

For me, there is nothing more satisfying than giving a good tip. I even enjoy tipping extra well when servers see Dave and I as just young kids and expect a crappy tip. I always imagine their faces when they see we gave them 30 percent. Maybe they will realize that good tippers come in all ages.

We know what it's like to be servers. We know what it's like to be the low man on the todem pole. I feel bad for those people who have never struggled or have never worked service jobs. It teaches you about people. How to treat them, whether they are rude or sweet. (I may bitch about it at length later on, but that's only because I truly don't understand why anyone has to be rude... ever.) I always win because I am nice. 

I once spent an hour and a half on the phone with Verizon because the customer service representative I was talking to was new and still learning the ropes. My patience landed me a $50 credit to my account. 

Niceness always, always wins.

So I challenge you once again: be nice. That person that is calling you annoying you to pay your student loans, they probably have student loan debt, too, and they are working the only job they could get. Be nice to them. Next time you go out to eat, tip your waiter/waitress a little extra. You have no idea what their story is. That extra ten dollars may change their day. If someone is rude to you, don't be rude back. Kill them with kindness. It may open their eyes to the way they are treating people, and if it doesn't, at least you tried.

Everyone knows how it feels to have a bad day versus a good day. So pay it forward, flash a smile, apologize even if you know you're right, and have patience.  

Quote of the week

Jason Collins and US sports culture

As I was getting ready this morning and SportsCenter was playing in the background, one particular story caught my eye. Last night, Jason Collins, an NBA player who was recently signed on with the Brooklyn Nets for a 10-day contract, was one of the leading stories. Why? Because he "made history" as they put it... He became the first openly gay NBA player.

Cool. Not necessarily a top five story on a sports show that recaps the events of the day prior. Isn't this old news? Didn't he announce he was gay last year? Why should a player with a 10-day contract make a top story... and the ticker on the bottom of the screen... and be talked about at length?

SportsCenter continued to play in the background. When it came time to recap the Nets game last night, the commentator made note that the crowd applauded Collins when he checked in, circled him on the screen when he got boxed out simply because it was the first play he was involved in, and, showed a play in which Collins fell down and his teammates picked him up... they showed it three times.

I may be in the minority, but I want to live in a world where gay athletes are athletes and female athletes are athletes and black athletes are athletes. Why the hell do I need a text message from ESPN letting me know that the first openly gay NBA player just checked into the game?

I grew up playing sports, and I was well aware that there were lesbians on my team. I showered with them and changed in front of them and, yes, helped them up if they had been knocked down on the field. This doesn't make me progressive. It makes me human, and an athlete, and a teammate.

This has got me thinking. Maybe the female athletes have got it right after all. Maybe female athletes don't make headlines because we're boring. We get along. That's not to say I was friends or even liked some of the girls I played with. But I knew that getting along with them meant success. I have been part of many teams and the ones that were the most successful had one thing: team chemistry.

Which brings up another headline: Incognito vs. Martin. So much talk about the "NFL culture" and "testosterone-driven men." So much blaming and pointing fingers. The problem is clear: boys, from a young age are taught to suppress feelings. If you show emotion, you are weak, you are feminine. SPORTS are MASCULINE. Do. Not. Show. Emotion. (That is unless it's anger or rage, cause you know, you need that to play football. It's a brutal game.)

Martin was clearly struggling with something. He was never given the tools to try to fix them. He probably saw a trainer for a bum knee, but where do you go if you are feeling depressed?

Guess what boys?!?! It's okay to cry! It's okay to feel! It is healthy and normal. It makes me think you are stronger than when you push those feelings away.

The infamous play: Jason Collins teammates helping him up.
Credit: Deadspin

I'm lucky to be a female athlete. I can have emotion, gay teammates, team chemistry. Oh, and at the same time, I can be strong, fast, hard-working, driven. I can push others harder so they can get better and at the end of the day, if they have a problem with it, they can talk to me about it. And I won't call them a "pussy" for showing me some emotion.

What do Danica Patrick and Jason Collins have in common? They both are not very good at their respective sports, but get attention because they are trying to break down barriers. Kudos to you! But I'd much rather hear about the great athletes. If they happen to be a woman, or happen to be gay, that's cool, too.

If every time a male athlete comes out as gay they spend ten minutes showing how their teammates helped him off his ass after he fell, this is a sad world we live in. Guess what? If Roy Hibbert fell down, his teammates would help him up, too.

See also: This Deadspin article that claims the Lakers issued 50 more press credentials than usual.

What traveling has taught me.

I am no world traveler. I haven't been to far off countries. In fact I've only been off of this continent once, and that was to visit my sister, who is a world traveler, while she was living in Germany. And the only reason I've been to more than one other country is because I grew up an hour away from Canada.

However, I have lived a lot of places. The amount of times I've moved is so confusing, that sometimes I just skip over the in between and say I moved from Rochester, New York, which is where I grew up. (Okay, I grew up outside of Rochester, in a small town named Caledonia. It has no sewers, no fast food, the closest Wal-Mart is a half hour away, and I graduated with 85 people.)

The truth is I didn't move from Rochester/Caledonia. My timeline of travel goes something like this: 

Caledonia

Marietta, OH

Caledonia

Geneseo, NY

Charlottesville/Afton, VA

Albuquerque, NM

Caledonia

Wilmington, NC

Indianapolis, IN

Luckily, I stumbled upon a traveling partner and a dog who enjoy the adventures as much as I do. 

I've learned a lot about people while traveling. Each place I've lived (and that's the thing, I've lived in each of these places for longer than a month) has taught me something new. 

I've learned that people have the same problems in life whether they live in a beautiful beach town or the dry desert. I've learned that Wegmans grocery store is not matched by Kroger, Harris Teeter, Smith's, or Marsh. I've learned that no one drives as fast or aggressively as I'd hope they would. I've learned that no city does snow removal up to my liking. I've learned that every city is different and the same all at once. I've learned that the longer you are away from a place, the more it stays the same, and the more you change. I've learned that home is wherever I can cuddle on the couch with David and Juneau and watch a movie.

Caledonia

My Best Friends from home. Michelle & Carrie.

Caledonia taught me about friendship and love. It will be home for as long as I live. My parents still live there, my sisters and I made hilarious memories there, and I have the two best friends any girl could ask for who experienced all Caledonia has to offer with me. I found my first love in Caledonia. It brought me the game of soccer. Caledonia is a special place. I've already written a love letter to my hometown, so I won't go any further... Caledonia also taught me to get out. As much as I love it, I could never settle down there. I like to do things the hard way.  

The freshman girls on the soccer team.
Me, Rachael, Christi, Rachel & Aly.

Marietta

Marietta taught me that friendship isn't only rooted in years of knowing one another. My few short
months at Marietta College were the first I'd ever been away from home. It was the first time I really knew what it meant to be drunk. I played soccer and loved it. I loved the friends that I met there, and I don't think I actually gave it a chance. Marietta taught me that regrets are real.

Geneseo

Phi Pi. Fall 2008.

Geneseo taught me to look out for myself. The people I met in Geneseo are irreplaceable in my life. It was the first time in my life I was single and I wasn't playing soccer competitively. I thought I would feel lost because of that. However, I found a group of girls in the Delta Phi Epsilon sorority that accepted everything about me, including the fact that I liked to drink every night of the week. My years at Geneseo are some of the best I can remember. However, being close to home still (about a half hour from where I graduated from high school) ignited a fire inside of me to travel some more. So I did.

David & I. 

Charlottesville

Charlottesville taught me what the real world was like. Up until now, I had the convenience of being a college student. When I moved to Virginia, I had two jobs, bills, student loan payments (which I include a completely separate category than "bills" simply because of how evil they are), a new relationship. I had to actually join a gym. I had to cook dinner. And breakfast, and even lunch. I love Charlottesville. It's a beautiful, beautiful place that gave me my two boys, David and Juneau.

Albuquerque

The Balloon Festival in Albuquerque.

Albuquerque taught me to be spontaneous. When I left Charlottesville, I was just itching for something new. David and I went to New Mexico chasing a dream. Some people may think I regret doing this, but I don't. In fact I would tell anyone reading this to chase a dream. Take a risk. Travel to a place you've never been to. We didn't have a place to live lined up, we just packed up the car and drove. We bought a couch and a bed when we got there. It was an amazing experience. We had nothing more than what we needed. 

Juneau on Wrightsville Beach.

Wilmington

Wilmington taught me to stop worrying all the time. We left Albuquerque on such a sour note, I was scared to take risks again. David moved to Wilmington two months before I made the trip down. I remember having a panic attack the day I left. I was living at home with my parents again, it was safe.
The first thing I did when I got to Wilmington was step out onto the beach. Wilmington is my favorite place in this world. David and I got back on track, we worked jobs that allowed us to spend days by the ocean, and I fell in love with One Tree Hill (which was filmed in Wilmington). I met a few people who had ambitions, but did not stress that they were not in that place in their lives just yet. They taught me to live in the moment. Ahh, I miss the beach!

Indianapolis

Indianapolis taught me that if you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything. When I finally stopped worrying about everything while in North Carolina, my dreams started coming true. I worked towards a master's degree, got my first job in journalism, coached soccer, started writing again. Indianapolis is a simple city. It's nothing overwhelming or special, but it provided me with a stable life.


I challenge you to travel. Spend money you don't have. Listen to music. Do something that makes you uncomfortable. Meet new people and ask about their life.

Quote of the week

My super gushy Valentine's Day post.

Disclaimer: This post will include lots of lovey-dovey bragging about my boyfriend.

Happy Valentine's Day!

To those of you who are jaded, simply don't believe in Valentine's Day, or will be drinking away your sorrows because you feel extra lonely on day like today, I've been there.

In fact, I do believe I celebrated one college Valentine's Day by dressing in all black and going to a bar with my single girlfriends.

I don't care to advertise my relationship to the world. I don't need to convince anyone how I feel. I saw a quote the other day that read, "The sign of a healthy relationship is no mention of it on Facebook." True that. But since love is in the air, I thought I'd blog and brag about my David.

How we met:

David and I met while working at a restaurant in Charlottesville, Virginia. I had moved to the area to work for my uncle, and wanted to make some new friends in the process. David had just gotten out of the military and moved back to his hometown. I had never waited a table in my life, but I figured that working at a restaurant would prove to be a social atmosphere. I applied to a gourmet pizza place that was just opening and needed servers. I got the job, and so did David.

About a month later, I was out shopping on a Wednesday after work and decided to stop into Brixx for dinner. I had creepily checked the schedule the night before and noticed that David was closing that fated Wednesday. I stayed for dinner, and a few drinks. After enough liquid courage, I asked David if he'd like to hang out sometime. He said yes and gave me his phone to put my number in. I left that night asking repeatedly if he was gonna call.

The next night he did call and we went putt putt golfing and out to drinks at Millers in downtown Charlottesville. That was October 7, 2010 (the same day my cousin Peyton was born!) and we've been together since.

There are often times I look back and think "what if". What if I had stayed at Marietta? What if I hadn't moved to Virginia? What if I had never gotten my heart broken? All of the things that I think I would have changed about my life I can't possible regret... because getting the job at Brixx was the universe's way of introducing me to David.

Everybody's love story is different, and they are wonderful in their own right. However, ours is my favorite. David and I have broken every 'relationship rule' in the book. And we're still going strong.

If there is one word to describe David it would be spontaneous. For the first few months we were dating, he spoke about wanting to move out west to train as an MMA fighter. As wild of a dream as that was, I never believed he couldn't or wouldn't do it. Eight months later we were driving to New Mexico. He trained with some of the best in the business. I knew he could do it all along. 

He has never been afraid of an adventure, and for this I am grateful. I am one of the lucky few who was able to travel around the country, and I never would have been able to if not for him.

We've had some amazing experiences, and they wouldn't have been half as special if not for him.

David has supported me through several years of trying to get my life on track. He up and moved to Indianapolis when I got into graduate school. Some people think of this as a grand gesture, but I never had a doubt that he would. It's just the relationship that we have. He has been my best friend since the day we starting dating.

David and I are full of wonderful and ambitious dreams. Whereas I look at them as dreams, he sees them as realities, and he helps me to realize they are possible. If not for him, I never would have had the courage to do all the things I have done this past year in school. I would have been dreaming about being a journalist, instead of actually being one.

I'm blessed to have a boyfriend who loves me and accepts me for who I am. David is very stoic, hardly emotional, and it's taken him a while to understand my deeply emotional side. But he never stopped trying. I'm a difficult person to relate to sometimes, but he does his best. And if he can't, he knows he can always make me laugh.

So here's to happy valentine's day for many years to come. I love you, David! Thank you for being mine.

Here's to being completely honest...

I feel like I should start at the beginning.

I've been writing a lot lately and it has inspired me to chase something I've always wanted. I want to write for a living, but a different kind of writing than I initially thought. I went to school to earn a degree in journalism, but fell in love with multimedia. I want to write a blog for a living. I hope to include photo essays, videos, and podcasts one day. Right now I'm busy making a living hoping to one day make a living ;). I would love for people to follow my blog, but I am just as happy with you reading it.

I've been thinking, however, there is no real theme behind my blog. It's basically just my thoughts formed into an essay. I am always writing: when I fall asleep, when I'm in the shower, as I'm driving, when I listen to music. Words are always being formed in my head. I needed this blog to get them out!

I believe in signs. I believe that the universe sends you messages and if you pay attention, the universe is usually pretty smart in what it is trying to say. In the past few weeks, while trying to find a theme for my blog, it has actually been right in front of my face.

I struggle with depression. This blog is my diary.

I've struggled with depression for about 7 years. It was triggered by a really bad breakup. I blamed him for a while. I told him he ruined my life, he was responsible for how miserable I was. I thought that if he came back, I wouldn't feel sad anymore. We were together for a long time, throughout high school, the years in which you find out who you are as a person. After about a year of blaming him, I woke up one day, and wanted to feel happy.

I don't blame him anymore. That was a long time ago. I don't blame anybody. In some weird way, I think having depression has given me the strength to follow what I truly want to do with my life. I know I will not be happy just doing whatever. I want to do something I truly enjoy because even though I will still have depression, I will be writing and perhaps helping others that struggle, too.

I have been going to therapy on and off for the past 7 years. I've taken anti-depressants, self-prescribed tanning beds as a form of therapy, and continued on with life. There are days when I don't want to get out of bed, but I do. And there are periods of time when I don't feel anything but happy. It's a strange thing to try and describe, but for me it's more or less knowing exactly what makes me happy, and everything that doesn't.

There have been other events that have triggered my depression. The loss of a job, moving away from home, other boys, the weather. It's something I'm always going to deal with.

The best therapy so far has been writing. I am a terrible, awkward talker. I am the girl who uses cliches and metaphors completely wrong. The other day I said, "You have to use that experience to get your leg in the door." I am a mess when it comes to the spoken word. But I'm really good at writing.

When Dave and I first dating, I used to send him long email love letters to explain how I felt about him. The written word comes easy to me. When my mind is jumbled with thought, I can filter them through writing. Quotes and lyrics are my favorite things ever.

I don't need pity. I am completely fine. I'm healthy, I'm happy, I have a good job, great friends, wonderful family, and a supportive boyfriend. And when I have my moments I know I can always call my mom.

This time of year has always been hard for me. The weather is an evil thing sometimes. By blogging the last few weeks, I've not only fulfilled a new year's resolution, but I've been keeping my depression under control.

So now that you know what the theme of this blog is, I hope you can read it knowing I have no hidden agenda. Having depression isn't something to be ashamed of. In fact, the more I talk about it, the better I feel.

I hope you enjoy my writing! And thank you so much for reading. It means the world to me!

I'm such a girl sports fan.

I'm such a girl sports fan.

I can see the eye rolls and judgmental comments now.

However, I enjoy sports in a different way than most sports fans would be expected to.

I don't like fantasy sports, they get way too involved in stats for me. I don't wear jerseys or t-shirts or hats with my favorite team's logo on it. I don't have any autographs (except for Mia Hamm because I want to be her). I would just as quickly watch the last two minutes of a game or check the score online after the game as I would sit and watch an entire game (this is, until the playoffs, when games begin to matter.) I can't recite stats of my favorite players or favorite teams. If someone asked me who my favorite sports team is, I would not have an answer for you right away. It changes a lot.

I am a sports romantic. I love hearing stories about athletes or teams and the adversity they have faced to accomplish their dreams. I find amateur athletes far more intriguing than most professional ones. I want to know what college athletes are studying in school.

The legend, Mia Hamm. 

Am I not as big of a sports fan because of this?

I was a college athlete, I have a master's degree in sports journalism, I have been to NHL, NFL, MLB, NBA, college football, basketball, soccer, hockey, and hockey games. I worked for an NBA team. I enjoy reading sports memoirs and sites like Grantland and SI Longform.

Am I sports fan now?

I don't think it takes a jersey or a fantasy football membership to describe you as a sports fan. Anyone can appreciate the hard work and dedication an athlete puts into their sport.

Sports do different things for different people. I once read a story about a man who claimed to the WWE's biggest fan. He had lost his wife a few years prior and it seemed he could fill that void with his passion for wrestling. Sports are romantic, they are distractions, and they tell the stories that parallel life.

I'm not sure why I ingest sports the way I do. I remember being asked as a little girl what I wanted to be when I grew up. I always wanted to be a professional soccer player. Then, in middle school, a teacher had us write an essay about our future career goals. She specifically said, "You cannot write about being a professional athlete. It is too far fetched."

From then on I always thought of being an athlete as a far away dream. Kind of like a movie, something that would never come to fruition.

In the last couple of years as I've immersed myself in sports and I've realize that these athletes are just people who were told that they could do it. When they were in middle school, perhaps their teachers told them to write about their future careers and allowed them to envision themselves as athletes.

In any case, I'm such a girl sports fan. I hate the Patriots, but I think Tom Brady is very attractive. I think football is boring to watch, but has wonderful story lines. I think the Olympics are the greatest things ever, but I hate when there is no dramatic music when the underdog pulls off the upset.

Quote of the week

Happy 10th Birthday, Facebook!

It's hard to believe that any sort of social media is 10 years old. I remember first signing up for Facebook. It was during the days that you had to have a .edu email address. The summer before I went off to college I waited eagerly for that letter in the mail giving me the key to open the door to my Facebook profile.

According to my timeline, I signed up for Facebook on July 6, 2006.

I immediately added a photo album of my best friends and I at prom. Those were the days you could only have 60 photos per album. Once you surpassed that number, you'd name your next album "Prom 2" or "More Prom".

Your profile consisted of lists of your interest. No status yet, the wall was coming any day.

I remember the day the newsfeed launched. I was a freshman at Marietta and one of my soccer teammates had changed her relationship status the night before. She didn't want anyone to know because it was such a new relationship. This wouldn't matter except that the next morning a newsfeed shouted "in a relationship" to all of her Facebook friends. She cried. Today, our Facebook savviness would have cooly prevented such "public" embarrassment. 

There were always updates, too. Your friends would have different theories about how to prolong keeping the 'old version'. But inevitably, everyone's page would change.

And then there was the age of bumper stickers. Spending hours finding the best one for your best friend. Nostalgia.

The status bar came with that annoying "is". "Erica Rath is going to the gym." And you would have the annoying friend would write "Jim Bob is is going to the big game." Then after groups and groups of petitioning, Facebook dropped the "is". But some people didn't get it, so they'd write "Jim Bob going to the movies." I can now fully appreciate what the status bar is today.

Then commenting was started. Now, instead of having to go back and forth between your friends' "walls" to see what they were talking about, you could just read the comments. I have no idea what this April 2007 conversation with Michelle is about. So sad.

At one point, all of your personal info was listed at the top of your profile above your status bar. Then there was the invention of the news ticker, Facebook chat (which single handedly killed of AIM and every other instant messaging system), the timeline. Also, remember that weird box that used to be below your profile picture?

Now we have this. And I'm only taking a screen shot so we can see how much has changed in 10 more years. 

Love it or hate it, Facebook is a brilliant thing that has adapted to change in order to thrive. What is your favorite phase of the 10 years of Facebook?

The best Super Bowl commercials

1. Duh.

2. Good job, Budweiser.

3. Died watching this. Sarah McLachlan LOL.

4.  They're all so emotional.

5. Restlessness is my life.

The best (and worst) things about Super Bowl Sunday

Commercials

We already know the winner of the cutest commercial that will air tonight...

We have yet to crown the funniest, the most uncomfortable, the worst, and the most controversial. Among other categories.

Food

Of the 31 million views, 3 million of them are mine. 

Super Bowl Sunday is an obligatory excuse to make the most unhealthy of dips and dishes. According to the front page of USA Today, some 1.25 billion chicken wings will be eaten today. Too bad the majority of the country thinks Buffalo Wild Wings serves the best wings. It's only the lucky few in western New York who know what a real chicken wing is. So today, instead of cheating on my hometown and the food it invented, I'll be making chicken wing dip, a delicious yet humbling alternative.

The Walking Dead Marathon

Tune to AMC. That's all.

Football... all day

This can be good or bad, depending on how you see it. For me, I don't need to sit around for 12 hours leading up to kickoff watching repetitive coverage and what is called "analysis", but is actually just fact-based guessing, to enjoy the game.

No more football coverage 

I like a good football game as much as the next guy, but the coverage of NFL football has far surpassed the need for it. The analysis, the play-by-play, the fantasy games, the replays, the ex-football players talking about the glory days. It goes on and on. We will have to relive the Big Game on ESPN for the next week or so, but then it's officially the off-season and we will get to hear about other sports again!

Memes

Memes are always funny. Everybody tries to relate their product to an event using a meme. Super Bowl memes are everywhere. Pick your fave!

The annoying reasons people pick a team

I've already seen it: people who literally could care less about football picking a team for one reason or another. The color of their jerseys, an attractive person on the team, they flipped a coin and picked heads or tails. Whatever it is, it's only crazy if it doesn't work.

Predictions

I can't stand predictions. But I would feel left out if I didn't make one. I have had a strange feeling Seattle will win, but I'll be cheering on Peyton. Oh, and did you hear? Buffalo's going all the way next year.

It's cool to be you.

I've been wanting to write this blog for a while now, but I wasn't quite sure how to frame it. But on my way in to work this morning while listening to Mike & Mike on ESPN, my thoughts starting to fall into place.

You see, there was some debate going on between Mike and Mike about what Superbowl wins mean to your legacy. Without going too far into the argument, Mike Greenberg claimed that having a 4-2 record in the Superbowl was better than having a 4-0 record. He claimed that having made it to the championship game six times and having lost two of those is better than having only gone four times. Mike Golic claimed that being able to say that you are undefeated in the Superbowl gives you more clout than having lost two.

The argument is neither here nor there. I really could care less about this topic. But what came next surprised me.

Greenberg then claimed that anyone with Golic's point of view is "an idiot".

First, is this really a topic to get so heated about that you call someone an idiot if they do not believe what you believe?

Second, and much more important, name calling for not having the same beliefs as someone else has become so mainstream and so common in this country, I really am not surprised at all at the outcome of this argument.

It happens all the time. When Phil Robertson was under scrutiny for what he said in a GQ article, the hate speak was so bad, it forced his employer to have him lose his job. (But then give it back.)

He was an idiot, ignorant, bigot, old-fashioned, too religious, etc.

It happened when Justine Sacco tweeted racially-themed message via her Twitter account and became the target of a worldwide witch hunt.

She was racist, stupid, her actions unforgivable.

It happened when Richard Sherman screamed into the camera after he made the game winning play to put his team into the Superbowl.

He was a thug, a n-----, a dumb athlete.

It happens every day in Washington, DC when the right does not agree with the left and the left does not agree with the right.

It happens when Republicans are called ignorant and anti-gay.

It happens when Democrats are called anti-life and fascists.

The problem is that this country has become divided. We are not divided on whether the Seahawks or the Broncos are going to win the Superbowl. We are not divided on whether living in the south is better because you always have sun or living in the north is better because you have four seasons.

We are divided on hot button issues. And wake up people, there will never come a day where everyone agrees on abortion, health care, gun control, gay marriage, etc. And that's okay.

If you are against gun control reform, you are somehow made into a cold-hearted gun lover who doesn't care if Columbine or Newton ever happened again.

If you are pro-choice, you are somehow made into a murderer.

If you are anti-gay marriage, you may as well be anti-gay.

If you are for health care reform, you are a communist.

It's everywhere. It's at my office where the word "republican" is used as sort of a swear word. It's in California where an actress lost her job in the Vagina Monologues because she supported a Tea Party member. It's in my home state of New York where the governor said there was no place for certain people with certain beliefs.

The fact of the matter is: there is a place for everyone and every belief everywhere.

Here's a thought... instead of calling names and inflicting pain at those with different beliefs than you, why not learn their story? Ask: Why do you believe these things? Where did you come to that conclusion?

And I challenge you. Instead of being stubborn and sticking to your beliefs, try and understand theirs. Try and live a day with their point of view and see if the world is different. That's not to say change your mind, you may believe whatever you want.

You do not know Phil Robertson or Justine Sacco or Richard Sherman, neither do I. The media will try and dig into their lives and do interviews with them and try to expose who they are. But you still do not know them. What they said or did was out of religious beliefs, a slip in judgment or adrenaline pumping after a big game, it does not define them as a person.

I'm tired of it being cool to be a liberal and so uncool to be a conservative. I'm tired of racism and sexism and every other -ism. I'm tired of it being just because I'm 'pro' one thing that means I'm 'anti' its opposite.

You do not need to know where I stand on social or economic issues. And look. I just wrote a blog on some of the topics and you still do not know where I stand. However, if you want to know, you can ask. I will tell you and ask you what you believe in return. It will turn into something called a conversation, which is very much not like an argument.

It's cool to be you and it's not cool to make fun of other people. No matter where you fall on the party line.

Things that make me feel old.

I'm less than a month from turning 26. Seriously? When did that happen? It's been a fairly recent occurrence that I can remember things that happened, say, 10 years ago. (Because when I was 20, 10 years ago meant I was 10, and I don't remember being 10.)

Here are some things that make me feel old:

Suite Awkward. Ashlee & Emma.

1.   My little sister, Sarah, is going to be 24 this year. It's easy math, really, because she was born in 1990. She graduated college two years ago. Weird.
2.   My older sister, Emily, is married.
3.   Of my two college roommates, Emma is working towards her PhD, and Ashlee is married with a  baby. (Love and miss you both!)
4.   I graduated high school 8 years ago, and graduated college 4 years ago. It's not okay.
5.   I started driving 10 years ago. I remember my first time driving alone (because it's within that 10 year range where I can remember things). I picked up Daisy and Michelle in my mom's Tahoe and     took them to soccer practice.
6.   I've lived in 6 states. New York, Ohio, Virginia, New Mexico, North Carolina, and Indiana. And of those I somehow decided to settle in Indiana. I'm so not a Midwest girl.

Sarah and I at my
college graduation.

7.   I have a Master's Degree.
8.   I've been in 2 longterm relationships. One was 5 years, one is 3 1/2 years and going. There was 3 years in between. That's 11 years right there.
9.   My parents will be married 30 years in November. But that doesn't make them old, that makes them awesome. 
10.  I've had my car since my junior year in college. That was 5 years ago. Connie the Pontiac has been on some great adventures.
11.  I remember when people thought computers were going to blow up on Y2K. LOL.
12.  I can't drink more than 2 glasses of wine without feeling it the next day.

Baby Meeps

13.  Juneau is 3 years old. Actually, we adopted him 3 years ago this week!
14.  I'd rather go to a matinee movie than an evening movie. But that might not make me old, it makes me smart because I don't want to pay $13 to watch a movie.
15.  I literally don't recognize anyone that graduated from Cal-Mum last year. And being from the small town of Caledonia, that says something.
16.  Emily and I coached an Under-8 girls soccer team one summer. Those girls are now playing varsity soccer.
17.  I pledged a sorority 5 1/2 years ago, and I am a big^5. (That means I have 5 littles).
18.   You know those 'kids' that play college sports? I'm older than them all. I'm older than a lot of pros, too! I'm looking at you Paul George.

Craziness.
There are also things that make me feel really young, but that's for another day...

10 ways to beat the winter blues

I don't hate a lot of things, but I hate January. Winter in general is brutal but at least December has the magical feel of Christmas and February is my birthday month. January... just... no....

Perhaps I should be one of those people who embrace the winter being from Upstate New York where winter lasts six months and the sun only makes an appearance about 30 days out of the year. Perhaps I should love skiing and hot cocoa and big sweaters and the fireplace. Those may be the only things I like about winter. However the dry skin, the car trouble, the unplowed roads, my cold feet, having to walk Juneau in single degree weather and the gray days more than outweigh the positives about this month.

Seasonal depression is REAL, people!

Instead of drowning in my sorrows, I decided to make a list (since everyone is making lists these days) on how to beat the winter blahs.

1. Netflix. Netflix is almost always a life saver but more so in the winter. I've already had two 'snow days' this year and I'm not even a teacher. While sitting at home with a car that has been buried and Bravo only showing replays of Real Housewives episodes I've already seen, I turn to Netflix. This winter I've already completed the entire series of Breaking Bad (totally recommending it) and several movies that I didn't want to spend $10 on to watch in a theater. Thank you Netflix for changing your business plan from a DVD mailing company to everyones favorite snowy day activity.

2. Picture Frames.  I'm the queen of picture frames. I have photos of high school soccer, DPhiE, family vacations, Juneau, Dave and I, etc. all framed and scattered throughout our apartment. This winter I took advantage of an online deal and ordered photos that I hadn't had time to print out. Now I have up-to-date pictures in said picture frames. I also used a coupon (probably the first of my existence) and bought picture frames to display my degrees and Dave's military certificate. No biggie, we're only three years behind.

3. Shop Online. Honestly, I've never been a huge online shopper. Really, I'm still not. But it doesn't hurt to lust over beautiful clothing that would never look quite right on my pear-shaped body.

4. Blog. I'm starting to look like a computer nerd. Everything I've listed so far has consisted of sitting behind a computer at one point or another. Oh well, beats freezing outside. Writing has always been a hobby of mine, but blogging for fun is a completely different type of therapy. Maybe it's not for everyone but I challenge you to at least look at a couple of blogs and see what people are saying. It's fascinating.

5. Oversized sweaters. I think I mentioned this in the opener... yup, I did. But I can't say it enough. Oversized sweaters are the best thing to come from hipster culture. Where to find them? Etsy.com (see no. 3- online shopping) has awesome vendors who will pick oversized sweaters at random and send them to you for just $10! No need to worry about the color or pattern, just enter the size (remember the bigger the better) and a sweater will show up at your door. Honestly, the suspense of waiting to find out what color you will get is worth $10 just by itself.

6.  Crockpot. There is nothing more annoying than working an 8 hour day and leaving the office to find total darkness. Does the sun seriously set at 5:30pm? Give me a break. I'm ready to go to bed, but alas, someone must make dinner. The solution? CROCKPOT RECIPES. Set it and forget it... just make sure it's pushed far enough back on the counter and locked tight so that your curious pets don't get to it first. This way when you come home from work you can dish yourself a warm meal as soon as you walk in the door and spend the rest of the night watching Netflix.

7. Sports. It's my go-to. We have NFL Playoffs, the Super Bowl, the Olympics, NBA Basketball, NCAA Basketball, tennis, baseball scandals, etc. It's a great time of year to be a sports fan.

8. Get Creative. Dave and I were sitting on the couch one night, bored out of our minds. Juneau brought us his favorite toy: a ball. We started throwing it. We started keeping points for getting the ball through the doorway, hitting a certain part of the wall, etc. Juneau was fine with it cause he thought the game was about him. Little does he know, he was just being used to bring the ball back for the next person to throw. This game is played on a consistent basis. And to think it was created out of pure boredom.

9. Clean out your closet. A snowy afternoon is a perfect time to re-evaluate your clothing choices. If you don't wear it, donate it. And yes, it's okay if your bag of donations sits around till springtime when you actually feel like running errands.

10. Spend some quality time. As much as I enjoy being adventurous, I equally enjoy sitting at home with Dave playing Scrabble and drinking hot tea. Winter forces human interaction, so don't shy away. Pop on some Netflix, start up the Crockpot and watch your favorite team play.

Here's to two more months of snow, cracked skin and wearing boots every day.

"Lone Survivor" is more than just a movie

I usually don't like to get into topics like politics, religion, etc. I truly believe that everyone can and should have their own beliefs and opinions on things, and living in America we all have the right to vocalize those opinions. However, I also believe that topics like politics, religion, or social issues are things that are based on one's morality and are ingrained in them to the deepest part of their being. To argue those beliefs is silly. To understand each other's belief is so much more important.

That being said...

Dave and I went to see the movie "Lone Survivor" on Saturday. For those of you who don't know, Dave is a Marine Corps veteran and deployed twice to Iraq and once to Afghanistan.

The movie hit home. There were large spans of it that were incredibly hard to watch, for both of us. However, this movie was more than just a hollywood drama. It was a real story.

David next to a Marine Corps
monument in DC in 2010.

Since seeing the movie, I have been reading about the men who lost their lives and the mission they were on. For me it's fascinating. That instead of choosing college and a comfortable job in the business world, these men and women choose to leave behind the safety of their homes to protect others. It's truly the most unselfish act.

I have also been reading critiques of the film. Of course there are those people who are calling it "pro war propaganda" and "right wing publicity".  There was even a man who said, "It seems senseless all these wonderful people who were killed for an op that went wrong."

Excuse my naivete, but I truly cannot comprehend how someone can see the story of heroic men and women, the ultimate sacrifice they made, and the unselfishness of it all solely through a political lens. Look beyond that...

Dave and I have talked about his time in the military. It's a part of his life he is very proud of, but a part of his life that he likes to keep in the past. One thing that will forever resonate with me: he joined to serve his country, but he fought for the men beside him. The bond of brotherhood is much deeper than the political bullshit that civilians back home see.

Honestly, does anyone have any idea what a real war is like other than the people who have experienced it? Do I have a right to judge your chosen profession? Perhaps, but I'll never judge you for laying down your life for something you so vehemently believe in. I only wish I could have a job I was so passionate about.

So next time you want to criticize the war, the soldiers who fight, a hollywood movie that wants to tell their story... remember these are real people, with real families and real human emotions. They are not just actors on a screen.

My response to "23 things to do before you're 23 instead of getting married" and Young woman gives amazing response to the “23 things to do instead of getting engaged before you’re 23″

There are lists circulating the internet and I'm sure you've read them. If not here they are:


23 things to do before you're 23 instead of get married
The Response


What do I have to say?

Good for these girls. They have opinions/feelings and they blog about it. It's what I do, so I get it.

What else?

People need to stop worrying about if or when or what or who they are marrying and follow the path that they are on. There are benefits of being married and benefits of not being married. Who cares?! Is being in a relationship how people define themselves?

Your twenties are a weird age. You are out of school, on your own, finding a career, finding yourself. Some people find the one, others don't. I know people who got married and had children out of college and are happy, wonderful parents and couples. I also know people who waited until almost 40 to find the right person and start a family, and they are equally as happy and successful. There are also love stories of people who started families with one person, but they found their true happiness with others and blended their families.

The wonderful thing about this world is that everyone is different. Every relationship is different. Every love story is different. Some people find their true love in middle school. Others find theirs after retirement. Some people find love in their careers. Others find it in a pet.

The one thing I can say is that if you base your happiness on someone or something else, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Until you are happy with yourself, you can never truly be happy. If the first girl wants to sit in front of the window naked and the other girl wants to have a sleepover with her husband every night, as long as they are happy, who are we to judge?

Winter Storm 1/5/2014

The past 24 hours have been... interesting.

I've been sick with a head cold for the past few days. All I wanted to do was sit on the couch and watch trashy TV.

Unfortunately, the weather had other ideas. Around 4pm on Sunday, we lost power in our apartment. We waited it out for about two hours, but decided, since the weather was so crappy and the temperatures were going to drop below zero overnight, to take up a friend's offer and stay and their house for the night. We packed up a bag and Juneau and headed to our warm oasis.

After a 15-minute-turn-45-minute drive, we reached Bob's house. The plow had visited their apartment complex and had made it nearly impossible to find a snow-less parking spot.

Bob and his wife made us a warm meal and the dogs got to play in the snow. I watched the boys play Wii for a while and we fell asleep.

The mayor of Indianapolis had put a travel warning into effect making it illegal for anyone to be on the roads thru noon on Monday. He also strongly advised that all companies close on Monday.

My office closed but Dave's did not. He was supposed to go in at 2pm and when he called to check if they were opening, a co-worker told him only three people had showed up. Others were snowed in or didn't want to travel on the roads.

Vent: I have seriously never seen a more incompetent Department of Transportation than in Indianapolis. Snow plows didn't hit the streets at ALL yesterday. They used salt, which becomes null and void when temperatures reach a certain low. Maybe it's being from upstate New York and being used to seeing plows out before a winter storm hits, but telling people not to go on the roads does not make it okay to just NOT plow.

Anyways, when we woke up on Monday I texted a neighbor and she said our power had been restored around 9pm on Sunday. Dave and Bob went outside to get the car started, but it was stuck and we were without a shovel. Dave ran me and Juneau home in Bob's car and headed back up to see if he could get the car out.

After some digging, Bob and Dave finally got the car out. But had managed to lock the keys in the ignition in the process.

AAA, tow companies, the police, and a local pop-a-lock all told us that they aren't doing any business in Indy today unless it was an emergency.

After three hours of burning gas in the apartment complex parking lot, the two guys managed to pop the lock with a hammer and a rag (don't ask) and Dave finally headed to work.

I'm sure we had it easy in comparison to other people, but what an adventure it has been.

Pictures to come!

Pet Peeves

Updated January 7th.

A common symptom of any sickness I have is a major amount of irritation. As I come down with my first cold of 2014, I am reminded of those things that just bother the bejeasus out of me.

1.  Nuts in ice cream

2.  Sweater dresses

3.  Fruit in dessert

4.  Flipping candy in your mouth 

5.  Having no toilet paper

6.  Using the wrong form of "your/you're", "to/too/two", "are/our", etc.

7.  Perfectionists

8.  The feeling of overeating

9.  Unanswered texts

10.  Hang nails

11.  Knock off Coach bags

12.  Andrew Zimmerman

13.  People talking to me with my headphones in

14.  People not talking to me cause I have headphones in and just staring instead

15.  Having an unread notification on my phone

16.  When fans/journalists/announcers/etc. of sports teams make reference to "we" or "us". ie: "We did our best." You're on the team? Must have missed that.

First workout of 2014

2 mile run 30 minute leg workout Sadly, I can feel myself coming down with a cold. Hopefully it doesn't sideline me from working out too long. The goal? 10 lbs gone by my birthday and running 6 miles a day. Bring it February 11th!